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The William “Bill” Debs Dead Last Award


     Every great corporation must contribute to society and participate in the vital activities of the community that it ostensably serves… besides, it’s great cheap PR. And so it is with ShipWreckPublications Corporation. However, the contribution chosen by a corporation must fit the goals, mores, values, character and activities of that community.

     With this in mind, ShipWreckPublications announces our participation in the Mindless March Madness NCAA Pool. That pool is held each year by a unique tech writing community, most of whom labor or have labored with Sysiphian dedication many and endless deadening hours in the large intestine of the very bowels of a great, three-lettered corporation in the Hudson Valley who shall remain nameless.

     The pool was designed by Steve Hamilton, Pool Administrator-in-Chief. The daily activites of the pool are handled by the Administrator-in-Chief’s administrative flunky, the inestimable Vinnie, and occasionally by that great statistician mysteriously known as of “The Urbanic”.

     The ostensible point of the pool is to choose a bunch of college basketball teams in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament and through a series of arcane scoring rules, accumulate points as the tournament progresses. It costs 5 smackaroos to participate and the pool participant who garners the most points, wins and is awarded a $50 prize. There are also prizes for second and third place.

     The rub is when the pool awards a “winner” or “winners”, it violates the goals, mores, values, character and activities of the participating community. The community is out of synch with itself. To rectify this and o put the world right for them, ShipWreckPublications establishes The William “Bill” Debs Dead Last Award for the individual who finishes with the lowest point total or in more common parlance… Dead Last!

     You may ask “Who was William ‘Bill’ Debs and why is the award named after him?” Well, Mr. Debs was a vital member of this Sysiphian community. He epitomized the very nature of the community, particularly through his infuriating, incompetent and heavy-handed administration of that communities fantasy football league, the aptly named Creep Football League of the CFL. He succeeded at all he did through infuriating failure. He is also deceased or dead, as it were, and so he calls out from the beyond “Name that damn award after me, the Emir!” and so it shall be named: The William “Bill” Debs Dead Last Award or “the Emir” in common parlance.

     And so it is with great pride that ShipWreckPublications Corporation announces The William “Bill” Debs Dead Last Award. Each year that the Mindless March Madness NCAA Basketball Pool is held and provided our esteemed corporation is still in existence, we will award a $50 prize and a certificate to the individual who finishes with the lowest score in the pool or dead last as it were. The losing winner shall also receive a certificate signed by the very Queen of ShipWrecks, Lisa Lazzaro (not to be confused with that insane book reviewer and professional puncuator, the aptly named Lisa Lazzero). The losing winner shall also have the title of “ShipWreck Dame” or “ShipWreck Sir” bestowed upon them by the aforementioned Queen and thus become a member of ShipWreckPublications Corporate royalty.

     See the formal announcement of the losing winner for 2012 below.

                         2012 WINNER OF THE WILLIAM “BILL” DEBS DEAD LAST AWARD                                                         FOR DOING JUST THAT

Dead Last Award

     Winner of the ShipWreckPublications Corporation’s 2012 William “Bill” Debs Dead Last Award, Dame Kathleen Pfeiffer, accepts the award from Mindless March Madness NCAA Basketball Pool supernumerare, the inestimable Vinnie. Steve Hamilton, Administrator-in-Chief of the pool, was unavailable for the ceremony as he had a novel emergency. The hardboiled mystery writer had to add a number of punctuation marks to his latest Alex McKnight mystery before the next print run after professional punctuator Lisa Lazzero’s vicious review appearing in The New Tampa Guide to Sane Automobile Repair concerning an incredible 2 1/2 missing commas.

     Congratulatuions Dame Kathy! Dame Kathy finished with the lowest point total and locked up the award before the semi-finals of the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament in a stunning example of prognosticatorial skill after spending only three minutes in making her losing selections. To make this feat even more astounding, Dame Kathy did so before the award had even been announced intuiting the existance of the award before the award became so.


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